“Here comes the rain again
Falling on my head like a memory
Falling on my head like a new emotion
I want to walk in the open wind
I want to talk like lovers do
I want to dive into your ocean, is it raining with you?”
–The Eurythmics, “Here Comes the Rain Again”
Hey, my kinky, poly peeps! Are you enjoying this warm weather as much as I am? While fall is my favorite season (football, hoodies, Halloween), I will admit that I do love the month of May. It’s that one month out of the year where the weather is nice enough to walk around outside in shorts, but we still haven’t hit the blistering heat that June, July, and August will bring. It’s the fun part before we deal with all the bullshit that follows, which is a FANTASTIC analogy for today’s blog post…
Before we delve into today’s topic, it’s story time, so let’s all sit down and grab a snack…
When I was a teenager, I was involved in a lot of extra-curricular activities. I was never one of those kids who was okay with sitting home every day after school playing video games. Don’t get me wrong, that was part of it, but by the time I hit seventh grade, I felt this need to always be on the move. Between seventh grade and my senior year in high school, I was involved in Science Olympiad, Key Club, Quiz Bowl, karate classes, and my biggest time suck, band.
For my fellow band nerds out there, you’ll know that, particularly in high school, it’s basically a second job. Between band practice every day in school, marching band/jazz band practice two or three nights a week, plus competitions on weekends, it becomes a huge part of your life. Plus, the friends you make become some of the tightest relationships you’ll ever have. I met my two best friends in high school through band, and although twenty years later we’ve since all gone our separate ways, for nearly ten years we were the Three Musketeers, and because of them I have memories I will cherish for the rest of my life.
By far, my favorite memory of my band years has been and always will be the Annual Band Trip. It was literally what my entire teenage calendar year revolved around. It was more exciting than my Birthday, Christmas, even that treasured three-month summer break. Every May the junior high and high school bands would each take a four-day trip to some place sunny and relaxing where we could celebrate our accomplishments for the year, but also compete against other schools up and down the east coast. We’d load up on a tour bus at the crack of dawn Thursday morning, and for the next 96 hours, it was 100+ teenagers out-of-town, away from their parents, hanging out doing teenage stuff with their friends. It was our permission slip to not necessarily get in trouble or do anything illegal, but still, kick back, relax, and just be kids. No classes, no responsibility, just you and your best friends hanging out at the hotel pool, bullshitting about nothing.
Because the trip was always Thursday through Sunday and there was no way the school was gonna let us take an extra day off to “recover from vacation”, Monday morning we filed back into classes more than a little exhausted. Beyond that, the mood was different. When you’d pass your fellow band mates in the hall, you could tell something was off. When we would gather for band practice during fifth period, it was like walking into the reception after a funeral. Students were quiet, subdued, completely the opposite of what you would expect from a bunch of teenagers with less than a month of classes to go before summer break.
What I didn’t know at the time (and I suspect most of my fellow bandmates didn’t either) was that we were more than likely suffering from a collective form of drop, specifically “Convention Drop”, or “Con Drop” for short. For my readers who do cosplay or attend anime, comic book, or gaming conventions, you’re probably familiar with the concept. It’s the sadness, malaise, sometimes even depression one can get after attending a weekend-long party. I tell you this story because Con Drop is very similar to Sub Drop or Dom Drop, and it’s more than just “the blues” associated with having to return to “the real world” where you have obligations and responsibilities, but an actual chemical imbalance in your brain. We’ll talk about what drop is, what causes it, and how to mitigate it, if not prevent it altogether.
As always, before we get into the meat of today’s post, let’s do the resource dump:
For today’s article, I referenced this entry from BDSM Wiki, this article from Bad Girls Bible, and this article courtesy of the wonderful LunaKM at Submissive Guide.
What is Drop:
While drop looks different for every person, there tends to be a few central themes that run through each individual’s experience. If I had to define drop in my own terms, I would describe it as “A general feeling of sadness, listlessness, or disinterest following an unusually long period of intense euphoria.” It’s a state of mind that results from you brain getting whipsawed from one end of the emotional spectrum to the other. If you think of happiness and sadness as opposite ends of a pendulum, when the brain experiences an extended pleasurable experience (i.e., four days of vacation with your best friends, or a BDSM scene), when you come down from that “high”, the brain overcompnsates and the pendulum can swing into the sadness end, creating a mild depression.
What causes Drop:
Drop is more than just about “feelings”. There’s a biological reason on why it occurs. According to Adriana of Bad Girls Bible, when engaging in a BDSM scene, the brain can be flooded with up to four different chemicals associated with pleasure and/or pain reduction:
- Endorphins – Released by the body during physical activity for pain reduction and can create a feeling of euphoria (i.e. “Runner’s High”)
- Enkephalins – A type of opioid created by the body in response to pain
- Epinephrin – Also known as adrenaline. Released by the body during periods of stress to help the body better handle pain
- Dopamine – The “pleasure drug” of the brain. Creates a feeling of euphoria and released in anticipation of a known pleasurable activity.
The purpose of these four chemicals is meant to minimize and/or prepare the body for the physical activity and pain associated with a BDSM scene. Think of it as the “armor” the body puts around your psyche to help you weather the storm. It’s these chemicals that can put a submissive into “sub space” (or “dom space” if you’re a Dominant), which is the euphoric or “drunk” feeling of being involved in a BDSM scene. It’s important to note that these chemicals are why we should NEVER renegotiate mid-scene (except to remove previously agreed upon activities), because negotiating with a submissive in subspace is akin to entering a contract while drunk, high, or under the influence of any type of drug. Simply put, one or more parties is not of sound mind and body, and hence can’t offer informed consent.
After the “threat” of the BDSM scene has passed, the body no longer needs these chemicals, production ceases, and their levels in the brain and nervous system begin to drop. Depending on the physiology of the individual, symptoms of “withdrawal” can set in. The body may have become accustomed to these “happy drugs”, and once they are removed, feelings of loneliness, listlessness, and depression creep in as the brain “crashes” from this artificial high.
How to Prevent Drop:
As someone who gets drop after nearly every scene, I wish I had an answer to give. The truth is, because drop hits everyone differently (if it hits you at all), there’s no one-size-fits all answer to that question. However, much like drop has several common components for each person, there are things you can do that will usually mitigate drop for most people.
The term “drop” implies that we are falling, and quite rapidly. That term is used because that’s exactly what is happening: The “happy chemical” levels in your brain are dropping, and quite rapidly. Hence, the best way to mitigate drop is to slow the speed at which your body loses these chemicals. Again, as drop is different for each person, you may need to try several things until you find something that works for you. Common techniques including cuddling with your partner (this is very helpful if physical touch is one of your love languages), meditation, frequent communication with others (if drop brings on feeling of loneliness), or generally any activity that you enjoy. In short, think whatever you do for self-care, and that’s likely to help stave off those feelings of listlessness or depression.
From a dietary standpoint, there’s things you can do as well to help your body adjust. Hydration after a scene is always important, not just because your body has probably lost fluids, but water is what makes your organs, including your brain, function properly, so drink-up! Sugar immediately after a scene can be helpful (my Domme’s know not to come at me with a flogger in one hand unless they have a Reese’s in the other), but don’t overdo it or else you’ll be adding a sugar crash on top of an endorphin crash. Try eating a healthy balanced diet for the next day or so (and by that, I mean, stay away from heavy, greasy foods or anything that will make you feel sluggish). Speaking of diet, exercise may help as well. The same endorphins that pump through your brain in a BDSM scene are the ones you get from physical activity, so, if you can, get up and move to prop up those endorphin levels.
The more and more you scene, the more you’ll gain some self-awareness of what works for you. The answers may not come quickly, and you may just be one of those unlucky individuals for which drop is “the price of admission”. As someone who’s been a submissive for the last seven years, I can say it’s a rare occasion when I DON’T get drop. Last month, after a play party with Penguin, I spent the night at her place, cuddled up with her until the morning hours, and managed to avoid drop for the first time in years, so I can tell you there is hope out there if you’ve having trouble finding something that works. Finally, in those extreme cases where the “brain weasels” get so bad that thoughts of self-harm start to creep in, seek help IMMEDIATELY! BDSM is supposed to be both pleasurable and therapeutic, and if it is taking you to that dark a place, I would recommend you speak to licensed therapist or other mental health professional.
That’s it for this week’s article. On a final, personal note, I would want to add that you may have seen less of me around on Facebook. That’s because I’ve been shadow-banned until mid-June for upsetting the Facebook Gods. Because of this, my content is getting shoved to the bottom of the feed. If you support the Bratty Cat, a simple thing you can do is share with your friends. One little post will go a long way and I would appreciate it so, so much!
Until next time, stay kinky, my friends…
–The Bratty Cat
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