“Can’t Buy Me Love” – Let’s Talk About FinDommes!

Get away
Get a good job with more pay and you’re okay
It’s a gas
Grab that cash with both hands and make a stash”

–Pink Floyd, “Money”

Hey, my Kinky, Polyam peeps! I know it’s been awhile since my last entry. It’s funny. When I first started this blog, I was all like “I’m gonna post an update every single week!”. Then I realized how much work was involved, plus the Facebook page, and now TikTok takes up so much of my time… The point is, to the 15 people or so who read this thing each week, I thank you for your support.

So, I had originally planned to write this article about kink and chronic pain. However, I believe that if I’m going to write about something with which I have no personal experience, I need to speak to those that do. For that reason, I’ve put that article on the shelf while I continue my research and speak with members of the community that can give me insight into that topic.

Instead, we’re going to talk a little bit about two things I DO have a lot of experience in: Dominatrixes, and money.

While I work in project management now, my formal education, and where I spent roughly the first fifteen years of my career, was in financial planning and personal financial management. I’ve had a lot of experience talking to clients about their finances and gained a pretty deep understanding into the emotional connection that people can have with their money. While some people are risk-takers and some people are risk-avoiders, one consistency I’ve found is that people will part with their money only if they believe what they are getting in return is of at least equal, if not greater value than what they are giving up.

Now, “value” is a subjective term. One man’s trash is another man’s treasure. What one person sees value in, another may not, which is one reason money is so personal to people. Financial Submissives, or “FinSubs” are no different in that they see inherent value in what they’re buying. However, what makes FinSubs so unique, and why I’ve always been fascinated with them, is that what they’re buying is something most of us would never spend a moment’s thought on.

Before we delve any deeper, as always, let’s do the resource dump:

For this piece, I pulled information from this 2018 article from The Independent, this 2023 blog post from Medium, this 2021 article from The New York Times, and this 2022 article from Insider.

Before we talk about the unique motivation of FinSubs, let’s first define what a FinDomme and FinSub are and the relationship between the two of them. The level of power exchange in Financial Domination varies from dynamic to dynamic, however, if I had to pinpoint it, I would say it skews more towards a Master/Slave relationship than the typical Dom/Sub relationship. This is because the Financial Domination is something that can occur at any time day or night without prior notification and a good portion of it can often be described as Humiliation Play.

Simply put, a FinSub, sometimes referred to as a “Pay Pig”, or “Cash Pig”, is one who relinquishes control of their personal finances over to a Financial Dominant. While there’s set rules around gender roles, the typical FinSub is a cis man, while the FinDomme is a cis woman. The financial domination can come in many forms, anywhere from something as mild as the FinDomme demanding money for expenditures to going as far as taking control of the FinSubs bank accounts and financial passwords so only they can withdraw money and disperse it to the FinSub as they see fit.

As far as what the FinDomme does with the money, that is typically part of the negotiations that take place between the FinSub and FinDomme. It could be for practical expenses for things like housing, food, or clothing, or more extravagant, discretionary items like vacations, jewelry, or expensive outfits. Often the FinDomme will catalog their expenditures through video or pictures, and then use that to show off to their clients, as well as other potential clients, of what is required to be considered worthy of their domination.

If you’re like me, at this point, you’re probably asking “Why would anyone do this? What’s in it for the Submissive?” To answer that, we need to look at the profile of the typical FinSub, and from there we can understand their motivation. While certainly not all-inclusive, FinSubs tend to be white men with financial means, often six figure incomes or higher with disposable cash. They occupy high-power, high stress-jobs that require long hours at the offices and many demands on the little free-time they have.

If this profile sounds suspiciously like the so-called “Alpha Sub” type, a woman who leads a high-powered public life, but submits to a dominant in her personal life, that’s because the two personalities are not so different. Much like the Alpha Sub spends her days exerting control over others and simply wants to relinquish that burden at night, the FinSub, for various reasons, is looking to relinquish control over the very thing that they spend all their daylight hours working towards: Money.

As I alluded to earlier, there is often, but not always, an element of humiliation in the FinDomme/FinSub relationship. The FinDomme may scold the FinSub for being unable to sufficiently meet all their material needs, or for being “weak” for simply handing over large amounts of cash with little given in return. Obviously, like any BDSM dynamic, the relationship is tailored to the specific parties as part of the negotiation process. If humiliation is involved, while I can only guess at the FinSubs motivation, I would argue it’s just another way of giving up control. As individuals who are seen as decision-makers in their vanilla lives, it can be freeing to have that pressure taken off, even if it’s by being told they’re too incompetent.

While it may seem like “easy money”, breaking into the FinDomme game isn’t as simple as demanding someone hand over their cash. While a large part of the satisfaction FinSubs get is the thrill of handing over money, occasional offers of scantily-clad pics or pieces of worn lengerie will be used as a way for the FinDomme to show their gratitude. As FinSubs like to see how their money is being spent, it’s not uncommon for FinDommes to invest a lot of their time investing in their Social Media savvy. The more glamorous one can make one’s life look, the more like men are to give you money.

While not as dangerous as edge play, Financial Domination is equally as fringe as it gets very little representation outside of those immersed in the BDSM community. As I stated when I started this piece, I find the kink to be highly fascinating because it focuses on psychological pain and pleasure more than physical, which just goes to show that kinks come in all flavors and is not merely limited to the traditional “whips and chains”.

Until next time, stay kinky my friends…

–The Bratty Cat

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