Hey, my Kinky, Polyam Peeps! Welcome back for another exciting news update. The crisp, fall air has FINALLY arrived here in Pennsylvania (It was 29 degrees on my car ride to the train station last week) and I couldn’t be happier.
While I rummage through my closet for my long-lost winter coat, enjoy these two articles…
First, from Yahoo! (Because Cosmo decided they needed to put this information behind a paywall) is a recent survery from lifestyle and dating app KinkD. According to more than 3,000 women surveyed, 68% expereienced a consent violation during a BDSM scene with someone they met online. I find this information both surprising and not surprising at the same time. 68% is an incredibly high number and certainly disturbing. At the same time, as someone who has experienced consent violations first hand, I do know that the vast majority of them arise out of miscommunication and poor negotiations and not deliberate acts of malice. Because the article doesn’t distinguish between what was intentional and what was an accident, I can see why that number would be so high.
“As BDSM grows in popularity thanks to kinky dating apps, sex clubs and movies like Fifty Shades hitting the mainstream, knowing how to practice kink safely is more important than ever. According to Bedbible, ownership of BDSM equipment, such as ropes and whips, has increased, with 23% having used some form in 2023 compared to only 14% in 2017. So, if you’re planning to allow someone to tie you up because it turns you on, it’s vital that you feel safe.”
Second, as a companion article from Glamour, is “6 Red Flags to Watch Out for in Dominant Partners”. I talked about this just last night during a TikTok Live. Kink and BDSM can be very alluring, particularly if you’re new, and there’s no shortage of bad actors who are willing to take advantage of a submissive to satisfy their narcissistic tendencies. This article gives you some “quick hits” on what to look out for.
“But Carolanne Marcantonio, a kink- and poly-affirmative certified sex therapist and the cocreator of the NYC-based Wise Sex Therapy Associates, points out that as a submissive, or ‘s-type,’ it’s easy to mistake misogynistic behaviors as dominant ones. ‘Some people struggle with how to know if someone is being dominant, or is just being a jerk,’ she says.”
That wraps it up for this week’s news update. Stay tuned for my next article on a very commonly misunderstood topic: “Rules, Boundaries, and Agreements”
Until next time, stay kinky, my friends…
–The Bratty Cat